I received a little girl charm for Mother's Day
Everyone said it would be so.
It must be a girl.
I’ve been so much sicker this time around.
It must be a girl.
We’ve got two boys.
It must be a girl.
My mum did the wedding ring test over my belly. It spun in circles.
It must be a girl.
Bam Bam, who declared I had a baby in my tummy the week before I even knew I was pregnant (freaky child), announced he was having a baby sister.
It must be a girl.
Well guess what?
It’s a girl.
What the heck am I going to do with a GIRL? Everyone seems to think, that despite my assertions that I’d love to have another boy, deep down I really wanted a girl all along. But honestly, this is not the case. Apparently I should be ecstatic. Truthfully, my pervading emotion at the moment is TREPIDATION.
I know boys. Boys are fun. Loud and messy but fun. I’m not overly anxious about how they will grow up. I’m relatively confident in my ability to make them feel loved, secure, confident in themselves. I’m also confident in The Man’s ability to install in them the values we believe in: honesty, courtesy and a good work ethic.
But a girl? I’m sure she will be just as loud and messy and fun as her brothers. I just hope we can make her feel loved, secure and confident in herself. Why do I think it will be so much harder to do this just because she is a girl? Is it because I know how girls work? Is it because I’m scared I cannot protect her from the hang-ups and insecurities that plagued me growing up? OK!! That still plague me…
I know some people will say I’m over thinking this or even making too big a deal about the gender differences. But it’s the way I feel.
I do know she will be loved. Cherished. Protected (probably a little too much).
She will have two doting big brothers to look after her, tease her and make her laugh.
She will have her daddy wrapped around her little finger. In fact, I think she already has.
As for me, I just hope I can be the type of mother she feels she can confide in. A mother who will be supportive and non-judgemental. A strong role model.
A mother she can be proud of.
Pregnancy always highlights to me the inequities a woman suffers simply due to her anatomy. Human bodies are complex and wondrous contraptions, no doubt. However, the female form is far more complex than her XY counterpart. Let’s break it down:
Breasts:
These lumps of fatty tissue are the bane of a woman’s life from the onset of puberty. They are either too big or too small. Too flat or too saggy. One might even be noticeably bigger than the other. They get in the way of all sorts of things. Men ogle them, babies hang off them. Sure, much good can come of the humble breast (a little cleavage can always come in handy when a sister is in a pickle) BUT they can also be the source of great evil. Infidelity, mastitis, cysts and cancer just to name a few.
Ovaries:
Did you know a woman is born with ALL the eggs she’ll ever produce already tucked away in these little twin pouches? For most women, those suckers pop out monthly come hell or high water. Sometimes two or more at a time!! Once again, such a miraculous thing can be the bane of a woman’s existence. Ovarian cancer or PCOS anyone??
Uterus:
Ahhh, the uterus. The source of monthly cramping, endometriosis, fibroids and temporary accommodation, to boot!. Tell me what man has an organ that can expand 50 times it size and carry another human??? Need I say more?
Vagina:
The gateway for all evil. It lets little swimmers in and menstruation out. It can house IUDs, tampons, thrush, STDs and cervical cancer. Oh AND has the capacity to squeeze out a human. Impressive, no?
And what do men have? A penis and a prostate. Sure, the latter may cause them problems in later life, but generally causes little mischief. The other… Well, from a very early age it’s the centre of their entire existence. What body part does a woman have that she could and would worship as much? Even when it gets them in trouble they seem willing to forgive and forget so quickly.
I, my friend, am not so forgiving.
2013 has been a big bumpy year so far (pardon the pun). A few months back I wrote this post mentioning how excited and impatient I was for the year to get started. At the time I felt the year was full of such promise and I so looking forward to forging ahead and blazing a new trail.
But since then stuff has happened.
I fell pregnant. I’ve been ridiculously sick. I had to stop my meds. I’m being made redundant at work (no longer such an exciting prospect in the face of an expanding family). The Man and I have been having…some issues. Uni is full on. Oh, and our house is falling apart around us, which, at the risk of sounding cliché, feels a bit like a metaphor for life at the moment.
The temptation to wallow in a deep dark pit is great. It is something I can do well when I put my mind to it and admittedly the self indulgence can be delicious sometimes.
But you know what? Stuff happens.
I don’t want to be a gloomy Eyeore. I really don’t. I don’t want to feel the overwhelming sense of “Woe is me”. I feel that no one is getting the best of me right now, not my kids, my husband, my study or my work and especially not me.
So, I will uncurl myself from the foetal position. I will tell the haters to eff off and open to the door to those who so desperately want to help and support me.
It’s just a few months of life where things haven’t gone to plan. So what? We’ll make a new plan. And if that doesn’t work? Well, plan C isn’t the end of the world either.
In the words of a beautiful friend of mine, I just need to “Get on with it already”.
Do you get the glooms & get lost in the land of overwhelm sometimes? How do you kick yourself out of the funk?
Well my little monster, we’ve made it to the big 4. I have to be honest with you, there have been some many days when I’ve wondered if we’d make it.
You are such a boy. Always into things, onto things and overturning things. You’ve had more bumps and knocks than I’d care to count and I’m still astounded that our two ambulance rides to date have been solely because of your asthma and not because of some other sort of misadventure.
Despite being the rambunctious, boisterous and bellicose boy that you are, you are also a real snuggle pot. The best cuddler ever, your many misdemeanors are easily forgiven with a cheeky smile and a sloppy smooch.
You’ll be heading off to big school next year and I worry how you’ll cope. You have finally bonded with a little mate at preschool but if he’s not there when I drop you off, the teachers have to tear you off me so I can escape. Despite your rough and tumble nature, you are still very much a mummy’s boy. Hopefully being closer to your beloved big brother will make the transition to school easier for you.
Speaking of big brothers, you will be one yourself soon. You seem excited at the prospect but I wonder if you realise what a new baby really means for our little family. I’m so grateful you and Will have a such a close bond and I hope that gets you through any feelings of displacement you might have when you aren’t the baby anymore. I know that you will love our new addition and be an awesome big brother, I just hope you know you will always be my baby, too.
Happy 4th birthday, little man. Daddy and I love you very much.
Lately I’ve been barely functioning. I have spent the better part of the last 3 months oscillating between my bed, the toilet bowl and the couch. When I manage to drag myself to work, I resemble the walking dead. It’s not pretty but I keep getting told it’s for a good cause.
Yup, I’m growing a human. And boy is it hard work! I don’t remember being so debilitated during early pregnancy with the boys. Maybe it’s because I’m older? Maybe it’s because I wasn’t mentally prepared?
After two very calculated and well planned pregnancies, this one took us completely by surprise. Back in October I wrote about our indecision on having a third and just when we thought we’d made up our minds that we were done with baby land and ready to start playing with the big kids (I even got rid of ALL my baby & maternity gear!) Well, let’s just say the universe had other plans. For the record, yes we know how it happens!
To say I’m not excited sounds cold hearted and ungrateful. It’s also probably inaccurate. I’m honestly just still in shock.
The Man has comes to terms with things in his own way and now seems to be more enthused than I. He did mention having a fourth at one point and I nearly castrated him on the spot.
We told the boys early in the piece as the poor Wilful One thought mummy was dying! They were both pretty accepting of the prospect of a new sibling, although are rather vocal on their gender preferences. It appears blue is the preferred colour all round. Everyone seems to think that because I have two boys, I must be desperate for a girl. That’s not the case at all!
So, that is the state of the Née Say nation. I’d love to hear from mothers of 3 to know what sort of deal I’m in for, for example, how the heck do you get a baby to sleep with two other boisterous children in the house? I guess these and other questions will be answered for me soon enough!!
How many kids do you have? Were your kids planned or a surprise?
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